Trusting the Process
I'm not even sure words can describe the feeling I had when I saw her pull into the campground late that evening. We had waited all day, and the day before, and for weeks on end. We had sat in the cold, I had walked my baby boy to sleep in the dark, and we had been in this place of being displaced and in constant uncertainty and waiting for news for weeks now, that it seemed a bit surreal. Like she may not really be coming, like we might get a call that something else was wrong, like we couldn't get our hopes up until she was actually here. And, I could see that feeling in the kids' eyes, as well. We are always so very positive and hopeful and knowing you can manifest any reality. But, bringing our home back and with a good, strong working engine became too much to hope for after time and time again of something happening. Not to be cynical, but we had our doubts. I think it was more about protecting our hearts after being heartbroken so many times, but there was still doubt. It isn't easy to feel displaced, to have uncertainty looming over you, to not be able to answer your children when they ask when things will be fixed, when we would get our home back, where and when we were headed next. But, we also learned just how resilient we could be, and we leaned into one another and opened ourselves to trusting the process.
When we felt stuck in Oregon after the first breakdown and sad that we couldn't make it to Texas to be with family, we realized it was fitting to celebrate Thanksgiving and celebrate good food with our Village in the state that we worked tirelessly for months to get GMO labeling and the state that honestly has some of the best local food around. We also realized that Emigrant Lake is a healing place for us, a place to ride big emotions and feel all the feels, and then have a place to hike and breathe and just BE, to ground ourselves in the swirling of it all. So, we stayed and enjoyed and gave thanks for our home and community in Oregon, still sad to go after all of that time. And, then when we made it to San Francisco and thought we would only be there a week, and we had more engine repairs and then a mechanic called in and then another breakdown, more swirling happened, until we again leaned into trust that the universe always leads us to where we are supposed to be when we are supposed to be there. We enjoyed ocean walks a plenty, and took pause for a beautiful holiday together. Even a planned tow date gone awry and one thing after another with our temporary stay, now looking back the timing and process all makes sense. We did end up with a safe and reputable tow company and mechanic, even after losing money on the first, and learned some valuable lessons on trusting our gut with the right people. We also leaned on the support of friends and had a huge sleepover one night when in need of a place to stay, that while in the moment was a bit hard, oh my goodness will be a lasting and favorite memory we will always hold dear to our hearts.
It sure was a bumpy ride, these last few months, and oftentimes we asked ourselves what the what, I mean seriously, so much breakdown and repairs and financial strain to happen to us all at once! But, it forced us to count our gratitudes daily, take pause to breathe and meditate, and lean on each other for love and strength. We forged an even tighter bond with our traveling Village, hubby and I grew closer in our will to make it, and we focused on each of our children's individual needs during this big and hard transition, loving on them with all we had. We knew we had so much more than so many and felt constantly grateful for our little family unit and for the memories being made in the process. We made time for ceremony and ritual and song and evening walks. We realized our own value and reached out for help when we knew that our time out here educating on the road was not done. That people needed us to continue, that our work and passion and path were still unfolding. We worked hard to obtain two Sponsor renewals and one new Sponsor, and hubby gained two new clients. We showed ourselves that we could make it happen under stress, that we would provide a healthy happy home for our kiddos even with all of the swirling and crazy that evolved around us, and that we wanted to keep on this journey together as a family, all of it, the bumps and curves included.
Despite spending $8305 on an engine rebuild, on top of the $1600 we had already spent the month before, we were able to make it through. We are happy to report that we raised $6150 in support of getting the Eco Womb Tour Bus back, and although we might be eating peanut butter sandwiches for awhile, we were able to budget the rest until we can get back on our feet. We knew we had to. Our kids needed their home back and we needed 'our normalcy' after such a whirlwind of uncertainty for so long. Thank you so very much to everyone who donated, shared, sent love, hugs, prayers, and positive energy our way. It was all felt and appreciated and it really made a difference. Your support enabled us to know that we would make it despite the difficult circumstances, as always, collectively. Because we truly are all one and when we support one another it always comes full circle. It really does take a Village, to raise up our babies, to support our sisterhood and brotherhood, and to get through the hard times as well as celebrate the good. We can shine more of our light and have more to give when we are open to receiving in a community of support, and we can share more love when we realize we are all one.
So I sit here tonight back in my home, back on the very couch where I birthed our sweet baby boy, while the kiddos sleep in their own beds, and hubby works at his steering wheel turned desk, and I write. I share all the details as therapy for myself, to make sense of it all, to process and grow, but also to connect us all as one. Because when we can share the ups and downs and support one another through it all, our collective love evolves. I feel so full of love from those that are a part of this big worldwide tribe, and I just want to send it all right back to each and every one of you. I am grateful, and our family extends huge thanks to all of you. We are home. We are full. We are love.