Purging Emotions, the Super Moon Effect, and Power

The other night the hubby laid with our girl and fell asleep with her. Boys were kinda asleep. And, it was finally quiet in our home. But, even though I was tired I couldn't rest, my mind was racing like crazy. I was too tired to write or work or update the website or any of those things that I really need to do and haven't had day-time hours to do so because of all the fixes to the RV being done by said hubby. So, I just read.

A link to a link to a link and I was instantly engulfed in that "too much information overload" that I most of the time try and stay out of knowing my highly sensitive self can't handle it all. I read an article someone shared on Facebook regarding how epidurals can cause nervous system damage in mothers and babies long-term, then I read through another shared link on the symptoms of PANDAS in kids and just how many kids have some type of autism spectrum disorder, and yet another link on how recently thousands of bees died in a parking lot in Oregon, just dropped out of the trees with no sign of harm before that! I read about a friend in IL who was outraged at a truck that drove through his neighborhood spraying some chemical in the air in broad daylight without any acknowledgement to the neighbors on what was going on. And, I read about how Monsanto's GMO wheat experiment in 16 states could very well have proliferated in all of those 16 states without anyone knowing. I also read an article that described a list of foods that are banned in other countries, but oh no, not here in the good ole' USA. And, I kept reading and thinking and over-thinking.

I started thinking of my own journey of discovery with understanding how toxic our world can be and how those toxins have built up over generations. I recalled being a young girl, about the age of my youngest son now and how I would be playing in my front yard with friends when the mosquito truck would come down our street spraying their toxic fumes in my face. I would run inside, hide, and cover my mouth, choking over how awful it smelled. I remember feeling angry that they would just come down our street without warning, that it was something we had no control over and that I knew was bad but couldn't do anything about except try and escape from my own front yard.

I thought about the time my hubby and I picked up a bag of chips to have with our picnic on the 4 year anniversary from the day we met. He was planning to propose to me that evening on the beach and we were having a romantic picnic lunch. I literally ate a small handful of these new chips with Olestra in them, blindly trusting whatever we picked up at the store, right? And then, within a half an hour I was dying of stomach pain and we had to cut our picnic short to leave for the bathroom and a place to huddle in pain and nap until I felt better. It was just awful. But, luckily it had passed by that evening and luckily the proposal went off without another hitch and luckily we got married a year and a half later and have been married for 13.5 years to date. I never ate anything with Olestra in it again. And, we still celebrate the day we met anniversary because we are that in love and support of one another, and just a wee bit overly romantic and dreamy.

I then started thinking of our journey becoming young parents. Our firstborn was either a wedding night or honeymoon baby and having been together for over 5 years we were so ready to settle down and have a family. We were the first of our friends to have a baby and even the first on both sides of our family, so there was lots of love and support... and advice. I followed my mama gut, mostly, but also struggled with all of the advice given being a first -time new mama at the age of 24. Prime child-bearing age really, but considered young to everyone in our circle of friends and family. I ended up being induced with my first baby and had a pitocin drip and an epidural. So, my thought of that article on nervous system damage made me cringe, as every article I have read since his birth on vaccines, antibiotics, BPA's, GMO's, and just how much environmental toxins can impact our everything!

I started tearing up thinking about our journey with him, our first son, learning along the way and unraveling some of his special needs and sensory overload. I learned a lot about myself from our journey with him through Sensory Processing Disorder, and the many other "labels" that have been thrown around since trying to understand why I had to sit between him and other kids during a playdate so that other kids wouldn't get walloped when getting too close to my son or accidentally brushing him gently. I thought of his spinning chair that he loved and his weighted blanket and vest and ALL the times I would wonder if vaccines or food or environmental toxins did something to his nervous system so that he needed different ways to cope with our world. Then, I wondered if his own mama's sensitivities didn't make his own needs all the harder and if I had spun and used a weighted blanket and ran from every florescent light in a big box store when I was little, too.

I got angry just thinking about the vaccine industry and the pharmaceutical industry and all of the doctors that ever told me it was all safe and not to worry and to just trust the schedules and amounts and doses, never one professional informing me that there was mercury and aluminum and a whole host of toxins piled into these vaccines and then shot into these tiny babes. I got angry thinking of how every time we went to the doctors with the kids there would always be someone in a suit with a large briefcase that would glide right in front of a waiting room full of families with a wide smile passing out pens to the receptionist and getting in to see the doctor way ahead of everyone else. And, then remembering how I would use said pen to sign a check to pay a fortune for each visit, realizing that it was always a pharmaceutical representative obviously and intimately connected with the doctors to push the vaccines and antibiotics on each and every kid so that both pockets could be padded. It truly makes me more sick than angry how our system is set up to support this poisoning of our kids based on profiteering from parents' naivety and trust. My mama bear roar always comes out when I think that my baby boy came down with an extremely bad case of croup just after receiving a round of scheduled vaccinations, and then at the age of four my second son was struck with shingles yet never having chicken pox, only the chicken pox vaccine. Even our doctor at the time was bewildered at that one, and I think that was the last straw for me. We haven't seen a western medical physician since and my kids are healthier for it.

I got angry at Monsanto for controlling our food supply and for all the stinking GMO's I probably unknowingly ate growing up and during my pregnancies with my littles, and that they ate their first couple of years of life before I woke up and got a grip and made changes to our food and toiletries and household products. I am now a staunch activist against GMOs and carry informational pamphlets in my purse to hand out whenever anyone asks about GMOs. So, at least I have channeled this anger, but sometimes the enormity of it all gets to me and I cry or get frustrated at how GMOs are still so prevalent and how so many people still don't know or don't have access to safe foods.

I got sad at the loss of bees. Just last week I had a bee that kept landing on me almost as if to say help me, help us, we are not well, we need YOUR help to save our species. Then, there was the bee at the playground that was alive but could not fly. I scooped him up and placed him on a flower hoping he would know what to do, explaining to my girl that he would be ok. Shedding a tear when as she scurried off all smiles and glad we saved the bee, I noticed he fell off the flower back to the ground to die.

I got angry over all of the control in our world over food and toxins and things even beyond our scope that is done everyday without our input. By this time my hubby had woken up, it was after midnight, and he asked what I was doing, knowing right away something was up. He knew that look of needing to purge emotions and to be heard and receive empathy, to have a place to fully feel my sadness and anger in safe arms. I used to keep it all in, all my emotions, they were too big to purge, they were too big for me to handle. So, I stuffed them way down deep until I couldn't stuff anymore and one day they all came barreling out of me. Luckily, my hubby was the one there when they did, and so he knows that look and knows how to be there for me and I now know it is way healthier to release then stuff.

So, we sat for the next two hours talking and crying and me purging. Saying out loud how unfair it is that companies like Monsanto have that much control over our food supply and how unfair it is that so many people (including us at times) have been unable to eat healthy, organic foods because they were too expensive. How we used to just go for cheap because we had to, but now I can't even fathom feeding those things to my family because I don't see them as food, but poisons. I know. I have been poisoned by them, and so have my oldest two kids. We started to get a clue luckily with our youngest and she has eaten nothing but organic and safe foods, has had no vaccines, and has had the benefit of safe toxic-free shampoos, soaps, bedding, etc. Yet, when she exhibits some of the same overstimulated, impulsive, unexplained behaviors as her older brother, I just shake my head at the fake streaks of clouds in the sky and know I can't protect her from it all.

I shared with my husband how all I want is for us and everyone on this planet to have access to healthy foods and safe water and toxic-free environments. And, how I am determined to help others make sure they have that access. I have too many times in my life been denied what should be those basic rights based on income or status or location. And, I have seen the luxuries of what a proper community can benefit from just from living where others do have money. Explain why there is no fluoride in Palm Beach County's water but there is in thousands of other counties in FL? I cried about not being able to walk into the little store at our campground and let our children pick out a snack because it was full of GMOs and chemically based food, seriously why is that? Why is not ALL food safe to eat? Why is it that practically ALL the kids we meet nowadays have some food allergy or autoimmune disease or autism or at least know of someone close that does? EVERYONE should have access to healthy food and water and air, but NOT everywhere we have traveled has this been accessible. And, it seems that at every campground and event and market and roadside we happen upon, we inevitably end up talking to people about these issues.

Just today I had a conversation at the campground with a couple who has an adult autistic son. They have been on their food and toxic-free journey because of him and since their eyes were opened to all of the complexities in our food and environment. And, the mamas I met at the Thinking Moms Revolution reception in San Francisco recently who all have their own personal but related stories of healing their kids and are all in the know about the amount of toxic overload we are putting ourselves through. And, they are done, too. They are ready to scream from the rooftops, they are reaching out and standing up. Because change doesn't happen when you're quiet, and the need to share this information with others is just bubbling out of us parents.

I also cried in anger over all of the big corporations that wield power in our government to keep society like this and stacked against the little guy. Hearing about how others are losing their businesses and savings and how others had an issue with their tax refunds this year, too, well, just made me even more angry. Why is it that the little guy is still be taken from and the big companies get away with tax evasion and loopholes and everything in between. They pad the wallets of government officials and so goes how our policies and invasive laws are written. Yes, I went from crying to anger, from government to food, and from feeling victimized to feeling powerful all within a two hour chat with the hubby on our couch. It was much needed, the purging, the crying, the space to be angry without expressing it in the wrong way, just releasing. We all need that, a good release. And, with the week we have had and the full (super) moon coming up, it was almost inevitable. Throw a roller coaster of emotions going from nothing to loads of support, breaking down four times in a row, a sudden loss of expected income, an overtired and done mama, and some pregnancy hormones to boot, and you have a cocktail for an explosion.

Luckily, I have the most patient and understanding husband ever that gets it and agrees with me and feels a lot of the same emotions, but that will also pull out his practical side and remind me we have to reset and keep on and that we can do this and we are doing all that we can to protect our children and our environment and our food and our future. We set out on the road and on this journey to share and educate and have had our own eyes open even more. We set out to connect families and create change, and we have connected with the most amazing families ever threading a community across the states and across the world all standing together on the same issues and for their kids and their future. Because ALL of us together will make a difference, we have to, regardless of how much harder it may get, how much more the economy may tank, how much more power giants like Monsanto may yield. We HAVE to stand together because of and for our children, they are the future.

And, change doesn't happen when you are on the sidelines, or maybe it does. It dawned on me as we sat on the side of the road broken down last week, as I had to try and start her up while my hubby was outside spraying fluid into the engine, that power is a difficult thing. Recognizing that power has always been an issue for me and for my family, generationally as well as in the present, I realized that we have had power issues before with the RV, we have very strong-willed spirited children that put us in power struggles so that we grow and learn as parents, and that we have lost jobs or not made enough income in the past because we are such givers that even carrying power has been hard on us was all eye-opening for me.

I shared this with the hubby at almost the same time as he was voicing the same thought. That we need not be afraid of power, of the power that the corporatocracy has over our government and food and air and water. That we need to maintain our power in our family by setting limits and boundaries that while still compassionate and peaceful also respect our needs as individuals and parents, and honestly provide that safety net that many times our kids are looking for from us. That we deserve more power and success in our business because we have worked so hard in educating on the road for free for so long. And, even that we deserve a more powerful engine to get us up and over all the mountains we climb in the RV, literally and metaphorically. A shining moment was when my ever poignant husband said that we can have money and security and still do good with it, that the more we have the more we can give back. And, I, too, reminded him that when we are open to receiving we then have more to give. So, we opened our arms for support this week and were flooded with love. We asked and we were helped.

THANK YOU to ALL who contributed to getting the Eco womb fixed this week, you are the best! Because truly it does take a village to survive in this big world of ours. It does take a collective to make it in the chaos. And, it is taking a community shift from the love of power to the power of love that is changing the world consciousness. And, the more awake the world becomes, the more power we have to create effective change. So, I say bring it on! I may still have those days when a good cry and shout from the rooftop is necessary, but all the power in the world won't get me or my mission and passion in life down. It will only support me in my desire to continue to help others and connect and co-create change that one day we will not have to live in a toxic world, that we will be surrounded by communal support and love and health and safety. I am a mama, I have to believe this, it is my path to be a part of it. So, why don't you join me? I am here with open arms and a shoulder to cry on at midnight if you wish or a rooftop to yell from. Get it all out and reset, we have work to do together in changing this world! Let's show some collective power in doing so!

Angela Malson